Thursday and Friday were tough days for me. It wasn't anything major physical really. Just some mild swallowing pain (like a sore throat). But, it was emotional and a lot of anxiety. It is extremely hard to get a logical hold on what's going on and to try and explain why you feel the way you do. There are just so many thoughts going through your mind. You try and use the mental tools that the Doctors, family and friends all around you have told you about. It boils down to what you want to be..........a victim or a survivor! I promise you all I have not chosen victim. On Fridays session at Dr. Levy he really helped with these issues. The mind is an incredibly powerful tool and I have certainly come to realise that.
Oh yea. My walks with Max in our forest are still a multiple daily event. It's somewhat cool and shaded so that helps with the heat. I have slowed up a bit during these walks. Go figure. Max is still patient. Bounds ahead and then waits. You can just sense that he is looking and tapping at his "little dog watch" saying "keep up, what the hell is wrong with you?".
Before I continue, I'm very pleased to let you all know that my English secretary is back and so a little reprieve for me especially as I haven't been feeling as good as at the beginning of the week.
Actually for those who don't know it's me ,Rus, the bigger (in every sense) sister!! I arrived yesterday (Friday) and Ade,Diana and Robyn had come to pick me up!! Awesome to see them again and although Ade looked tired we soon arrived back at the house,relaxed,had something to eat/drink and he rallied slightly. Just one of the 'not so good days' that we know happen from time to time. Ade had an amazing beginning of the week as you can all read but Friday....well the Rick Levy bit was good!
We had a delicious Shabbat (Sabbath) dinner cooked by Di and we all enjoyed being together. Early night and looking forward to a day at the pool with my bro!!
I wasn't the only one up at 4pm on Saturday! Yes, he had an awful night and I'm sure not much has been written about the sleep issues in his blog so I will try and elaborate so we're all on the same page! Ade has always had very defined ideas about how one should sleep and without his 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep he is literally a 'basket case'! My little sis is the same so she probably could elaborate better. For whatever reasons, if he does not have a good night or a few good hours of sleep the day is horrid and even a nap during daylight does not make up for it! We have the 'bathe with bubble bath and candles' before bed,the 'reading and take a tablet just as you nod off' routine,the 'stay up for ages' plan, and mostly it's just random...maybe some of you have better methods but perhaps it's part of the chemo doing it's job!
So, we had a little walk in the forest,ate a little brekkie and sat outside in the magnificent surroundings in what was perfect weather! Then he did try to have a nap and when that didn't work we all went swimming! Magic! Water seems to do it every time.
Not much movement from the house and pool (why would you?) and so we invited friends for dinner!
Hey it's me again (Ade). Sunday was a better day. Had a swim in the morning, a massage at lunch time and a movie in the afternoon. A French movie called " tell no one". Very good indeed. Followed all this up with the obligatory Sunday Chinese take out dinner with the family. Great!
Hey, Ade. For the record, I couldn't tell the dif between you and Russie at the beginning of the last entry, until Russie "came out."
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I was very touched by what you had said about "what you want to be." I understand, I think, how challenging it must be to sort out why "you feel the way you do," and to hang on to the positive thoughts and energy within you. Your sessions with Dr. Levy seem to really help you tap into those inner resources. I'm glad you are getting guidance in that department; it's good that you have experts to assist you on all fronts.
Nice,too, to hear that Russie is there to give you moral support (not to mention her secretarial skills.)
And Max, well, he's doing his bit to get you into the woods and into the cooler air. So he'll have to wait up for ya---he won't leave you behind.
Step by step, Ade, day by day, you're doing what you gotta do. Still here in Boston trying to channel our positive vibes right to you. Hope your Monday is a good one.