Friday, May 1, 2009

Diana leaves for Toronto

I did manage to drive Diana to the airport with Russ in tow and by the time we got home I was exhausted and went to bed whilst Russ schlepped Mike to Bikram Yoga! And I thought I could rest…!!!

First a call from my Thoracic Surgeon Dr Krasna to say that he had spoken to one of the Oncologists I saw last week and that he was on board to operate and deliver the two nodules needed for the treatment I have elected to pursue. Then Dr. Sidransky called and explained the procedure again and as I was on my own I had to take all of this on board and prepare myself for Tuesday surgery! Russ and Mike came home with a little food but my mind was….well you can imagine!

So here I am at the beginning of a new chapter and although we have an amazing team here, New York and London I feel like I’m flying solo with no instruments and no fuel! My family are so supportive and really understand how fragile I become in these situations and I am trying to find the courage within to embark on this next stage.

I have realized that being with people is so much better for me. Mike had a girl friend over for dinner last night and sitting round the Shabbat Table together was great and I even felt quite normal.

Carpe Diem.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Our visit to st. Joseph

By Thursday morning we actually thought I’d caught something as the physical manifestations of my mood were so flu like that we went to St Joseph to seek medical advice! Thankfully all my blood work came back normal and we were assured that there was nothing lurking anywhere. They did, however, suggest I talk to someone and in true St Joseph efficiency by the time I arrived home we had a number to call and I am seeing Dr. Bemedek (Psychiatrist) tomorrow. In times like these we need all the help we can get to keep on an even keel so I will seek the help of this doctor too! All of this is so new to me…I sometimes cannot believe the difference in just over a year.

Carpe Diem.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Russ arrives

I’m back! I know you missed my updates but I’m really finding things very difficult at the moment and it may be a little easier to understand if I let Russ write a little!

I was actually feeling really good and I thought I was handling all the dramatic changes of the last few weeks with amazing positivity. We have been gathering information re my continued treatment, traveled to NY to see one set of doctors, then back to Baltimore to see another….so much info to digest and then the house and the sign went up and people came to view my property and what can I tell you!?? I just imploded.

Russ came in on Wednesday evening and she immediately knew that I wasn’t really present in any conversation and that the soft, hugely anxious voice portrayed a much more depressed person than I actually realized. Of course Diana was aware of the changes but there have been so many that she thought it was just a ‘bad day’. I felt hot and cold all night…couldn't get warm unless I had a bath, then too hot…couldn’t eat anything and the thought of Diana going to Toronto for the weekend on a long planned visit to her Dad made me sick with anxiety. Depression sucks!

Carpe Diem.